Pieces

A newly constructed house shines tall and proud, as its shadow covers its old, broken pieces. Pieces of all shapes and colors hide in the dark, fearing one would find them.  Then comes the light. It shines bright, and begins to see the ruins. Yet they still are not visible, causing them to be forgotten. The owner, has not forgotten though. The failures. The discouragement. The losses. The pieces are still there.

It had been a year since my father had died, and left me with my druggy of a mother.  He was the one who protected me. He was the one I told everything. He was the one who helped me through school. And he was dead. And no one knew why. The police had their suspicions: heart attack, brain dead, suicide. But nothing added up. After a while they were only left with one scenario -- murder. 

My mother had murdered my father. I was all alone. And this was the first piece of me to fall.

Naturally I was put into the care of my grandma. She lived in the hills of Orange County, a place which was all too expensive for my taste at the time. But it was better than nothing, or at least I thought. I ended up staying almost two years in OC, finishing my high school education . And every day I received more critics, but even more discouragement towards my aspiring writing career, and everything I did. I wasn't talented enough. I wasn’t dressed right.

I cut myself for the first time that year. And with every slit, another piece of myself fell.

After I graduated Fullteron Union High School, along with "esteemed classmates", I had a choice to make. College? Or begin working immediately? I wanted my writing career. I wanted it with a deep passion. So I applied to Hamilton, in New York. That was the school I had dreamt of going to, ever since I saw my dad's diploma. After weeks of waiting for a letter back, I received mine. My application had been rejected.

I was a failure. My father was great enough. I crushed my laptop, which contained all my writing. Another piece fell.

And another piece.

And another.

And another.