Author's Note- When I found this picture, thoughts popped in to my head immediately. I have really struggled with this "creative piece", that I am required to write. I am really proud myself for persevering through this difficult writing process. Hopefully in this piece I have a really good paragraph transitions and an advanced conclusion.It was the year after my mother died in a car accident and the year after my father left me. Now I am living with her grandma; both of us mourning, and praying somehow we could change the previous year's events.
Today is the anniversary of my mother's death, I walked down to the beach; clutching her old teddy bear. It is such a ratty old bear, but it still remains special to me because it had belonged to my mom. It's was the only piece she had of her, and yet on that gray, misty day I did the unexpected.
I always had Teddy with me, when I got home her grandma was puzzled.
"Hey Tessie, where's Teddy?" she asked.
"Somewhere in the world. We'll be together though, eventually" I answered.
"What do you mean?"
"When I die, I will see Teddy again. We'll embrace each other, and never let go." Tessa responded half crying.
I didn't realize what a good writer you are.I came back to comment on this because, you have improved and you should be proud of this piece.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that Tessa should explain the reason why she let go as much as you let the reader know. Try to let the reader figure it out. One more criticism...(sorry) I think that it should be in first person... the beginning just didn't seem right in narrative form. But then again, the ending NEEDS the narrative, but I just feel that it would be better in 1st person. I really, really love the outline and the dialog between the grandma and Tessa. One more thing, how old is Tessa? Because when she said, "I let go and said goodbye" she seemed really young. But when she explained why her teddy bear was gone she seemed WAY older.....just a thought.
ReplyDeleteThanks Tori. I really appreciate the criticism (no really I do). I am decent at switching points of view..... So let me know if I did a good job. I also took into consideration, Tessa's age. I tried to make her seem as if she were 13-14 years old....
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